Tuesday, April 21, 2009

The Cell Phone Wars, Part One: Mai Ling and the Ice Cube

So I'm on the train this one morning and as we pull in to Hoboken, last stop, the aisle is crowded with tense commuters waiting to get off, and an attractive young woman in a business suit is standing with her back to the door, facing the crowd. She says in a conversational tone, "Good morning, everyone, this is Mai Ling from the New York office, and I'll be chairing the meeting this morning. Can we start by introducing ourselves?" The rest of us exchange glances, but then we realize that she's not looking at any of us, and she’s wearing a Bluetooth earpiece – she’s chairing a teleconference.

The train bumps to a stop and she staggers but she doesn’t miss a beat in conducting her meeting. Her eyes still unfocused, she says, "Good morning, Fred, and thanks for joining us so early from Dallas." The guy standing immediately in front of her – dungarees, hard hat, metal lunch box – has had enough. He leans down into her face. "Open the goddam door, willya, lady, fer Chrissakes?" he says loudly. Startled, she spins in place, pushes the door button, scoots out onto the platform and is gone, jabbering and gesticulating her way toward the ferry dock.

It was only afterward that it came to me – the opportunity that I had missed. If I had been quicker on the uptake, I could have leaned in close to her Bluetooth ear and said, "Come back to bed, Mai Ling, please? I want to try that thing with the ice cube again."

Probably would have gotten me clobbered, but it would have been worth it.